I love My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic. Pegasister. Brony. Okay, I'm not a fanatic. Where people cosplay or get tattoos or petitioned to get Derpy named, will, Derpyhooves. But I do like the show and watch it online. One thing little girls will do with such a show, is pick which pony/character is their favorite. Which one is most like them? I've looked at each of the characters and thought before 'If I represented one quality among them, what would it be?' The qualities are: honesty, generosity, laughter, kindness, and loyalty. After batting it around in my head for a while, I've decided in a friendship, I represent generosity. Whenever a get money, I spend it on other people. Gifts. I always have. When I was 12 I started selling things from catalogues in order to purchase gifts for my family, cause I hated using my mom's money and I wanted to give gifts darn it! I'm a SAHM, and I've entered sooooo many giveaways. And if I could give the things I won to my husband, I did. Same with when I've earned money from surveys. I've spent it on gifts for my husband at Christmas and on his birthday. I know I get it from my mom. The woman works at Goodwill, not making ends meet, after being on unemployment for a year and a half, and got me more for the baby than anyone else. And she's still buying me picture frames, clothes, etc. for him! My husband has family that makes 6 figures and no kids that complain about not having money and granted, bought me things at my shower or only used things despite
Sometimes I think I have a sixth sense about things, but it could be just coincidences. For example. Yesterday, I told my husband next time he goes with his guys friends to Buffalo Wild Wings, bring me back some chicken! He looked at me sheepishly and said they had the night before and he hadn't told me. Or brought me back anything. I had no idea. Then like today, my MIL came by to visit. After she left, it dawned on me she was at the hospital yesterday. She volunteers to pray with sick people. Which is all well and good, but after she left I asked hubby to ask her not to visit the week after she does this. Just to protect Uriah, cause he smelled funny a few hours after she left. Several hours after she left, he got a fever. His daily antibiotics brought it down but still. He gets a fever while on antibiotics, they'll tap him for meningitis. And I'm not dealing with that mess. And other things are small. Like I said a name to hubby sounded war like or strong. I looked up the meaning, wondering if it was even a real name, and it was. And it meant 'knight' though it wasn't obvious it would mean such from the name. Just random things. And of course sometimes it's mom stuff. Like I'll say "He's hungry" before Uriah even makes a peep. Hubby looks at me like I'm crazy and maybe 2 minutes later, Uriah is crying for a bottle. Anyone else gets these things? They just seem to be happening a lot this week I guess. There's more but I don't want to bore. Maybe moms really do know everything ;)
Uriah will be 6 months old on the 17th. It seems like it snuck up on me almost! So many milestones being hit. He no longer pushes his bottle or medicine out with his tongue. He can sit unassisted for a short bit of time, but always finds something he wants and reaches for it, so he falls onto his tummy. He can put his pacifier directly back into his mouth without help. He can bring just about anything directly into his mouth without help actually. He can do 'push up's where he lifts up onto his hands and toes. He recognizes his bottle, so I can't make it in anticipation of him getting hungry in the next 15 minutes anymore. If he sees it, he'll cry til he gets it. He also knows certain phrases. When I say belly, he starts to smile because he knows I'm about to raspberry it. He also finally got his toes into his mouth. And he's pushing that weight limit for his rock n play, swing, jumperoo, etc. So crazy. And we'll be starting solids soon! As soon as daddy kills a deer. He killed a turkey but threw away everything but the breasts & thighs. Oh well!
I recently read an article about how American parenting is ruining the American marriage. It said how mothers get obsessed with their children, comparing a baby to the woman's god and parenting to a religion. Where when the baby is 18 and goes away, now they are left to try and recover the pieces of their neglected marriage. And I understand. Some people (not just women...) love their children more than their spouse and focus all their love and attention on someone who they are raising to leave them (if they are successful at parenting). BUT I do not think people have suddenly become more attentive to their children and that's why the American marriage is failing. I think it's why some marriages fail, but I do not think it is the main cause. The main cause I believe, is a selfish attitude.
Have you ever done this- Your husband just got his paycheck. He says he wants a new whatever. A new xbox. A new bow (in my case). A new car. And you thought "Well, it's his money. He should be able to do what he wants with it because he earned it." Not exactly true my friend.
When one enters a marriage, there is no 'my' money or 'your' money. The only time my husband and I practice this is with gifts. I don't buy him presents with his money and he doesn't buy me presents with my money. Otherwise, everything is 'our' money. I haven't always been a stay at home mom after all. When we first got married, I worked too. And I paid some bills with my money, and some bills with his money. Because they were OUR bills and OUR money. When we bought a house, I paid all the closing costs, totaling $5000, or my entire savings account as a waitress in college. My husband paid every house payment since we lived there ($250 a month for going on 3 years now I think).
There were times we did say "It's your money, do what you want with it" and often that's where our most regrettable, and frivolous purchases have arisen. Like my husband has a weakness for MLM companies. During our first year of marriage, he wanted to get involved with one that had a $5000 start up. I said I didn't think it would sell well for a start up of $5000, but that it was his money to do with what he wished. And if he truly believed he could make money by investing it, to go ahead. Well, let's just say we lost $5000. I haven't made any such extreme purchases, but I did buy gifts for people that were $40-$50 for Christmas and stuff, and now our budgets for some are around $15, so spending $50 5 years ago seems wasteful to me. Since everything is 'our' money though, we discuss before just about nay purchase now. I do have a rule that if it's under $50 Sean doesn't have to bother me with asking about it, because he purchases $20 hunting items all the time that I don't care about. But in a single household that makes under $50,000 a year, with him supporting me not working and the baby, $50 is a lot of money.
And just because he is the only one out in the workforce, does not mean I don't get to spend 'our' money. I do ask his opinion prior to buying something. Like "Hey honey, I'm going to order some formula. We have $80 in the bank right?" or "Hey Rue21 has buy one get one jeans and I need some. 2 pair would be $20. Mind if I go get some?" and he will say yes or no and we'll discuss it.
One thing we do sometimes struggle with is comparing our days. I say I'm tired cause the baby kept me up. He says you're tired? Try working a 12 hour shift. Or vice versa. He comes home from work saying he's tired. And I'll say you're tired? I haven't slept longer than 4 hours in 6 months. It's not a fair thing to do, but the thing is we don't hold grudges for it, because we say "Yeah you're right" and appreciate the other's tiredness.
I think that compromising and admitting someone else is right might be the two hardest parts of a marriage. But when you start doing both so much that it becomes natural for both persons, then a marriage really can thrive, with both people feeling heard, appreciated, and loved.
I want to contrast this with other marriages I know. One for instance. The couple lived together prior to getting married and split everything. Well, after marriage they've continued this philosophy. They each pay half the rent, and try and split everything 50/50, despite one making significantly more than the other. It is leading to resentment on the part of the one who doesn't earn as much of course. Because why should they have to pay for half of their spouse's car when said spouse is going to pick out the car without their input? It doesn't make much sense. Give me your money so I can buy what I want is never the way to do things. And neither is living like roommates once you're married. You are a unit. You are one.
Another marriage I know, the man works and the woman did work, but earned significantly less. He would say to her and others "I pay for her to live. Don't know where she'd be without me." It's a very self serving attitude. When you have that sort of mentality, you start to think your spouse OWES you something for the life you two have decided to live together.
Another marriage. The spouses both earn money, but they want to live a lifestyle beyond their means. One has to have a 50 inch TV, a house with at least 2000 sq ft, and a garage. The other has to have acreage, a pole barn, and at least a 2 door garage. Bring the two together, both non-compromising, and you've got 2 people who are just spending money to make themselves happy in the moment. They could be financially secure by now, but the struggle paycheck to paycheck, because they HAVE to have certain things to be happy.
My husband and I don't have an ipad. Or smartphones. Or a desktop computer. Or two running vehicles. Or even mp3 players. Our one TV is 32 inches. We don't have cable or satellite. We use it to watch movies. We watch tv through hulu. We are happy if the fridge is stocked basically, and have one computer with internet. I don't understand why some people need things like a new bow to hunt with or a new motorcycle to be happy, when they simply do not have the money. Sean tells me all the time how the guys at his work use their tax return to go into debt, while we use it to pay off debts (like our last one was used to pay off Sean's car). Things like this do not help a marriage at all. It just brings more stress because someone selfishly HAS to have something, when it brings down your situation as a family.
Another marriage. They divorced because they weren't in love anymore. They were still friends. they got along. Never fought. But they wanted to find that love again (they had 4 children). I personally, think this is selfish. You go through seasons as a couple. There are times I haven't loved Sean. And I'm sure there are times he hasn't loved me. I didn't abandon ship and say it's never going to regrow. And it has. Even if it never did, I'd still be married to a great guy and friend. And this was before we had the baby. Now that we have him, I can't imagine putting him through a divorce for this reason.
Another marriage I know of- the wife was cheating on her husband as a sort of, mid life crisis if you will. She was around younger guys and decided to fool around. She asked for a divorce, and the man did everything he could to keep it together. Counseling, and what not, wanting to make it work. She just wanted out. Eventually she got her way, but he had still fought, despite her infidelities. Big contrast between who was selfish here and who was selfless.
Basically, I feel if we could all be a little more selfless, the divorce rate wouldn't be where it is. Some people blame the age one gets married. Or the age one has kids at. Or their parenting style. I just think it's all about attitude.
TYPICAL FIRST YEAR CONVERSATION (the 'let's make everything sexy stage):
*Hasboro Commercial comes on TV*
Hubby: You know what we should do...
Me: We are not playing Twister naked
Hubby: COME ON!
TYPICAL THIRD YEAR CONVERSATION (the comfortable stage):
Hubby: I'm going to make you pick out what organ the deer liver is if you really want it to make baby food.
Me: I know what it looks like. Probably like my placenta I passed when I gave birth.
Hubby: Actually yeah
Me: I know the liver looks dark and slimy I think. Or at least, what a human liver looks like.
Hubby: Deer liver looks about the same.
Me: Well then yeah I could probably pick it out.
TYPICAL FIFTH YEAR CONVERSATION (the 'I love you but I want to hurt you' stage):
Me: Will you give Uriah his bath tonight? You've only done it once in the almost 6 months he's been alive.
Hubby: Are you going to work for me tomorrow?
Me: No. But I also didn't realize when we had this baby I would be both mom and dad.
Hubby: I'm gotta mow the yard.
I'm not sure how many reading my blog are Christian or not, but since it's Sunday, I thought I would post regarding Christianity and what not. It's difficult taking a baby to church, but luckily my church livestreams service:
They also have a tv show but I don't have tv, so this is the next best thing without leaving the house. I know it's faaaar from 'church', because really the purpose is to gather believers for a greater releasing of God's power in our lives. But this way at least I get to hear a sermon & get uplifted.
Since we've moved I haven't found a church that's our denomination that has a Sunday night service, where hubby could help me with the baby (why I avoid Sunday morning service, where hubby works at the same time). I'd go to any denomination if it believed the same as we do, but it's easier to find one you know you generally agree with rather than church hopping lots of denoms you already know you don't fully agree with.
One place where hubby and I butt heads just a bit is a large church vs. a small one. I say big church. I feel you can outreach more (ex. our church at Cape First has the tv show, the livestream, a daycare, a coffee food truck that drives around the college campus in town, multiple locations/buildings, mission trips overseas, etc.) which is what the great commission calls for. Hubby says small church, because of the personal touch (everyone knows & cares about everyone, close knit, etc.).
What do you prefer- big or small church?
I am one of those people that always buy Christmas gifts early. This year, we have everything but our gifts for each other already bought. Here's our run down:
My mom: DVD storage tower, photo album, photo keychain with Uriah's picture, and a box of white fudge oreos (still to be bought actually, since they aren't in stores near us yet)
MIL & SFIL: $35 gift card to O'Charley's
SMIL & FIL: $35 gift card to LoneStar
My sister: Bra & keychain w/ Uriah's picture
My niece: Makeup
My nephew: Nerf bow
Then we draw for one of Sean's siblings at Thanksgiving to buy for, so we won't be able to buy that til December obviously.
We also had to buy birthdays between now and January, which include:
My mom: Bag of brazil nuts
My nephew: A nerf watergun
My sister: A birthstone necklace
My MIL: The Bible miniseries DVDs
My SMIL: A birthstone necklace
So, altogether, we spent around $250for all those things. I told my mom ahead of time not to spend too much money on us this year, but she said she would anyway cause she always does. We told MIL the same thing and she said she's only buying for the grandkids this year, not the adults, so at least there's that. We don't buy for all of hubby's siblings or their kids, and on their birthdays we just send cards, because there are so many. On my side of the family, it's one sister, one niece, and one nephew, so we buy them presents, and they always buy for us too.
I told hubby for Christmas I want a juicer, and then whatever else he wants to get me. I really want to be able to make fresh juice for Uriah (and me!). Right now I've been giving him 1.5ounces of Gerber pear juice a day for the last 3 days, and yesterday he was the happiest he's been since birth. He was such a joy to be around. I wanted to wait til 5 months to give him juice so his bowels were a little more developed, and I really think it's helping his constipation a lot.
My birthday is in January too, so I told hubby I wanted another tattoo. He still hasn't told me what he wants for his birthday in October, or Christmas, so we'll see what he gets!
You learn a lot as a first time mom. One of the biggest is that your in-laws that only showed mild interest in you before suddenly become boundary stomping intrusions. I was completely unprepared for this as a first time mom. After all, I was trying to find my new role as mom instead of young and only attached to her husband. I was dealing with putting on 55lbs during my pregnancy, getting god knows how many stretch marks on my smooth skin, going from no one really paying attention to me besides my mother and husband to everyone thinking I'm perfectly fascinating, and then all of that stopping as soon as the baby came out. Since the baby was born I even sent my mother a pic of my haircut and she just wanted pictures of the baby. It's a hard transition to make to mom. Luckily hubby doesn't see me much differently. He still tells me I'm beautiful, that I'm attractive, and shows it often. But everything else is such a transition! Well, next time I will have these rules based on my experience as a first time mom:
1. Don't ask me questions that are none of your business. Example: Asking my husband 15 minutes after we announce we're having a boy, if we are circumcising, is rude. Our children's genital areas are no one else's business.
2. Don't show up in my labor room unless I, Alyssa, have physically invited you there. I'm sorry, but I do not feel like entertaining or being friendly while contracting. You can come to the hospital, wait in the waiting room, and even see the baby after everything is cleaned up, but please don't come back there during this personal time.
3. Don't come to my house the day we get back from the hospital. We will be exhausted, trying to unpack, and just want to get comfortable... alone.
4. I will not need a babysitter (that is, someone to watch the baby without my husband or myself present) for at least the first 3 months of its life. I'm still bonding with my baby, and no matter how sleep deprived I get, this time will be visits only, no complete separation from both parents.
5. I appreciate all gifts, but if you buy me something used, please clean it first. I received a gift after Uriah was born that was so filthy I almost threw it in the dumpster and said screw it. I had a newborn, I was still recovering, Uriah was in and out of the hospital, Sean was working, and I was trying to keep the house decent while getting us all fed. The last thing I needed was a chore. Sean said we had to use it though, so several weeks after I got it, I spent hours scrubbing it and letting it dry. We have used it some, but it was still rude, in my opinion, to give such a gift in that condition. I do not need to have everything new (every outfit I've bought Uriah except maybe 2? have come from goodwill) but if I receive something used, it should look halfway decent I think.
6. If my baby ends up back in the hospital for whatever reason, you are more than welcome to visit the hospital as long as we know ahead of time. The same applies for when we return. Do NOT walk into our house less than 2 minutes after we get home, with baby still recovering, without knocking, and come inside and grab my child. The door will be locked, and if you knock, it will be ignored. Give us time and notice, please.
7. Do not complain about any of these rules to my husband. We are a united team. Any attempt to gossip about me and 'my' parenting (when it is 'our' parenting) will be taken as an attempt to come between us, an attack of sorts, and will not be welcome by either of us.
8. I do not need your advice unless I ask for it. Every baby is different. So telling me what worked for you, will not necessarily work for my baby. And after Uriah, I'm pretty sure I've heard it all.
9. I don't want to hear if you don't like our child's name, & neither does Sean. I've run tons of names by him since 2011, and we've spent hours deciding the right ones. You can bet what ever opinion you've formed in the 2 seconds after you've heard it is not going to get us to change our minds. This will be your future grandchild's, niece's, nephew's, etc. name, so please be respectful.
10. Any gift of disposable diapers will be returned for money to Wal-Mart. Period.
What rules would you add from your experience as a mom?
Last night, my husband got 9.5 hours of sleep while I was up and down with the baby all night. This afternoon, I asked him to watch the baby while I worked out, took a shower, and went to Wal-mart. In the middle of my workout, after having the baby for about 30 minutes, he tells me "I'm tired." I said "You're tired?!" and he said "Yeah I know, I don't know how you do it," he admitted. He did survive, by the way, but he said he almost fell asleep for a nap while I was gone but the baby was only asleep for 30 minutes. Welcome to my world honey! I love him but I know if he was a stay at home dad, he would be dropping off the baby at his parents every day. Here's a cute photo for the day: