I love My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic. Pegasister. Brony. Okay, I'm not a fanatic. Where people cosplay or get tattoos or petitioned to get Derpy named, will, Derpyhooves. But I do like the show and watch it online. One thing little girls will do with such a show, is pick which pony/character is their favorite. Which one is most like them? I've looked at each of the characters and thought before 'If I represented one quality among them, what would it be?' The qualities are: honesty, generosity, laughter, kindness, and loyalty. After batting it around in my head for a while, I've decided in a friendship, I represent generosity. Whenever a get money, I spend it on other people. Gifts. I always have. When I was 12 I started selling things from catalogues in order to purchase gifts for my family, cause I hated using my mom's money and I wanted to give gifts darn it! I'm a SAHM, and I've entered sooooo many giveaways. And if I could give the things I won to my husband, I did. Same with when I've earned money from surveys. I've spent it on gifts for my husband at Christmas and on his birthday. I know I get it from my mom. The woman works at Goodwill, not making ends meet, after being on unemployment for a year and a half, and got me more for the baby than anyone else. And she's still buying me picture frames, clothes, etc. for him! My husband has family that makes 6 figures and no kids that complain about not having money and granted, bought me things at my shower or only used things despite
Sometimes I think I have a sixth sense about things, but it could be just coincidences. For example. Yesterday, I told my husband next time he goes with his guys friends to Buffalo Wild Wings, bring me back some chicken! He looked at me sheepishly and said they had the night before and he hadn't told me. Or brought me back anything. I had no idea. Then like today, my MIL came by to visit. After she left, it dawned on me she was at the hospital yesterday. She volunteers to pray with sick people. Which is all well and good, but after she left I asked hubby to ask her not to visit the week after she does this. Just to protect Uriah, cause he smelled funny a few hours after she left. Several hours after she left, he got a fever. His daily antibiotics brought it down but still. He gets a fever while on antibiotics, they'll tap him for meningitis. And I'm not dealing with that mess. And other things are small. Like I said a name to hubby sounded war like or strong. I looked up the meaning, wondering if it was even a real name, and it was. And it meant 'knight' though it wasn't obvious it would mean such from the name. Just random things. And of course sometimes it's mom stuff. Like I'll say "He's hungry" before Uriah even makes a peep. Hubby looks at me like I'm crazy and maybe 2 minutes later, Uriah is crying for a bottle. Anyone else gets these things? They just seem to be happening a lot this week I guess. There's more but I don't want to bore. Maybe moms really do know everything ;)
Uriah will be 6 months old on the 17th. It seems like it snuck up on me almost! So many milestones being hit. He no longer pushes his bottle or medicine out with his tongue. He can sit unassisted for a short bit of time, but always finds something he wants and reaches for it, so he falls onto his tummy. He can put his pacifier directly back into his mouth without help. He can bring just about anything directly into his mouth without help actually. He can do 'push up's where he lifts up onto his hands and toes. He recognizes his bottle, so I can't make it in anticipation of him getting hungry in the next 15 minutes anymore. If he sees it, he'll cry til he gets it. He also knows certain phrases. When I say belly, he starts to smile because he knows I'm about to raspberry it. He also finally got his toes into his mouth. And he's pushing that weight limit for his rock n play, swing, jumperoo, etc. So crazy. And we'll be starting solids soon! As soon as daddy kills a deer. He killed a turkey but threw away everything but the breasts & thighs. Oh well!
I recently read an article about how American parenting is ruining the American marriage. It said how mothers get obsessed with their children, comparing a baby to the woman's god and parenting to a religion. Where when the baby is 18 and goes away, now they are left to try and recover the pieces of their neglected marriage. And I understand. Some people (not just women...) love their children more than their spouse and focus all their love and attention on someone who they are raising to leave them (if they are successful at parenting). BUT I do not think people have suddenly become more attentive to their children and that's why the American marriage is failing. I think it's why some marriages fail, but I do not think it is the main cause. The main cause I believe, is a selfish attitude.
Have you ever done this- Your husband just got his paycheck. He says he wants a new whatever. A new xbox. A new bow (in my case). A new car. And you thought "Well, it's his money. He should be able to do what he wants with it because he earned it." Not exactly true my friend. When one enters a marriage, there is no 'my' money or 'your' money. The only time my husband and I practice this is with gifts. I don't buy him presents with his money and he doesn't buy me presents with my money. Otherwise, everything is 'our' money. I haven't always been a stay at home mom after all. When we first got married, I worked too. And I paid some bills with my money, and some bills with his money. Because they were OUR bills and OUR money. When we bought a house, I paid all the closing costs, totaling $5000, or my entire savings account as a waitress in college. My husband paid every house payment since we lived there ($250 a month for going on 3 years now I think). There were times we did say "It's your money, do what you want with it" and often that's where our most regrettable, and frivolous purchases have arisen. Like my husband has a weakness for MLM companies. During our first year of marriage, he wanted to get involved with one that had a $5000 start up. I said I didn't think it would sell well for a start up of $5000, but that it was his money to do with what he wished. And if he truly believed he could make money by investing it, to go ahead. Well, let's just say we lost $5000. I haven't made any such extreme purchases, but I did buy gifts for people that were $40-$50 for Christmas and stuff, and now our budgets for some are around $15, so spending $50 5 years ago seems wasteful to me. Since everything is 'our' money though, we discuss before just about nay purchase now. I do have a rule that if it's under $50 Sean doesn't have to bother me with asking about it, because he purchases $20 hunting items all the time that I don't care about. But in a single household that makes under $50,000 a year, with him supporting me not working and the baby, $50 is a lot of money. And just because he is the only one out in the workforce, does not mean I don't get to spend 'our' money. I do ask his opinion prior to buying something. Like "Hey honey, I'm going to order some formula. We have $80 in the bank right?" or "Hey Rue21 has buy one get one jeans and I need some. 2 pair would be $20. Mind if I go get some?" and he will say yes or no and we'll discuss it. One thing we do sometimes struggle with is comparing our days. I say I'm tired cause the baby kept me up. He says you're tired? Try working a 12 hour shift. Or vice versa. He comes home from work saying he's tired. And I'll say you're tired? I haven't slept longer than 4 hours in 6 months. It's not a fair thing to do, but the thing is we don't hold grudges for it, because we say "Yeah you're right" and appreciate the other's tiredness. I think that compromising and admitting someone else is right might be the two hardest parts of a marriage. But when you start doing both so much that it becomes natural for both persons, then a marriage really can thrive, with both people feeling heard, appreciated, and loved. I want to contrast this with other marriages I know. One for instance. The couple lived together prior to getting married and split everything. Well, after marriage they've continued this philosophy. They each pay half the rent, and try and split everything 50/50, despite one making significantly more than the other. It is leading to resentment on the part of the one who doesn't earn as much of course. Because why should they have to pay for half of their spouse's car when said spouse is going to pick out the car without their input? It doesn't make much sense. Give me your money so I can buy what I want is never the way to do things. And neither is living like roommates once you're married. You are a unit. You are one. Another marriage I know, the man works and the woman did work, but earned significantly less. He would say to her and others "I pay for her to live. Don't know where she'd be without me." It's a very self serving attitude. When you have that sort of mentality, you start to think your spouse OWES you something for the life you two have decided to live together. Another marriage. The spouses both earn money, but they want to live a lifestyle beyond their means. One has to have a 50 inch TV, a house with at least 2000 sq ft, and a garage. The other has to have acreage, a pole barn, and at least a 2 door garage. Bring the two together, both non-compromising, and you've got 2 people who are just spending money to make themselves happy in the moment. They could be financially secure by now, but the struggle paycheck to paycheck, because they HAVE to have certain things to be happy. My husband and I don't have an ipad. Or smartphones. Or a desktop computer. Or two running vehicles. Or even mp3 players. Our one TV is 32 inches. We don't have cable or satellite. We use it to watch movies. We watch tv through hulu. We are happy if the fridge is stocked basically, and have one computer with internet. I don't understand why some people need things like a new bow to hunt with or a new motorcycle to be happy, when they simply do not have the money. Sean tells me all the time how the guys at his work use their tax return to go into debt, while we use it to pay off debts (like our last one was used to pay off Sean's car). Things like this do not help a marriage at all. It just brings more stress because someone selfishly HAS to have something, when it brings down your situation as a family. Another marriage. They divorced because they weren't in love anymore. They were still friends. they got along. Never fought. But they wanted to find that love again (they had 4 children). I personally, think this is selfish. You go through seasons as a couple. There are times I haven't loved Sean. And I'm sure there are times he hasn't loved me. I didn't abandon ship and say it's never going to regrow. And it has. Even if it never did, I'd still be married to a great guy and friend. And this was before we had the baby. Now that we have him, I can't imagine putting him through a divorce for this reason. Another marriage I know of- the wife was cheating on her husband as a sort of, mid life crisis if you will. She was around younger guys and decided to fool around. She asked for a divorce, and the man did everything he could to keep it together. Counseling, and what not, wanting to make it work. She just wanted out. Eventually she got her way, but he had still fought, despite her infidelities. Big contrast between who was selfish here and who was selfless. Basically, I feel if we could all be a little more selfless, the divorce rate wouldn't be where it is. Some people blame the age one gets married. Or the age one has kids at. Or their parenting style. I just think it's all about attitude. |