I just keep telling myself... there are people out there with worse in-laws than you. Not fair that others have better ones but still. My husband is caught between the tension my in-laws have created by being rude to me, and me not wanting to deal with it anymore. It basically started when I didn't want people visiting me while in labor, and hubby's parents (well, his dad and stepmom are who I'm referring to here) showed up unannounced in my room. Well, I was in no mood to entertain... contracting and everything. Not to mention hubby's dad kept trying to pull him out of the room to talk when hubby and I were discussing ditching our birth plan and just going for a medicated birth. It was kind of more important than anything his dad had to say (his dad had brought food for hubby so he was annoyed that hubby blew him off to talk to me about things).
Well then we had to move in next door to my in-laws because of a really long story, and well now they know when we leave and when we're home. It's just not good. The night we came home from the hospital, we were exhausted, had so much to set up and unpack and do, and hubby's dad texted and said they got us all pizza and were coming over. Hubby told them no, we didn't want visitors tonight, and they could come by tomorrow. Father in law was not happy.
Then Step mother in law kept asking to babysit Uriah. Um, I'm a stay at home mom. What do I need a babysitter for? Someone to come help me cook, clean, or play with the little guy while I at least do those things sure. But I'm not leaving my less than a month old child with someone else for an extended period of time. Increase tension.
Well, hubby and I decided that anyone who wanted to visit could, just call or text first. This is for various reasons. Number one, I walk around the house in various states of undress cause well, it's my house and I want to be comfy. And number two, I don't want visitors if my house is really out of order or we're exhausted or about to leave the house for something. And number three, it is for everyone's benefit, since there are certain times little man is asleep or awake. So I can be like, "Uriah's asleep right now, but he'll be up after 1:30 if you want to come over then."
Well, hubby's family is the type that just walks into each others houses without any warning. I'm so not used to that. So far most of his family has been good about calling or texting before just popping over, but his parents don't like this rule. So instead they insist we take him to them. Next door. Because walking over here is too much for them I guess? Anyway, they bug hubby all the time saying "Why haven't you brought him over? We miss him!" Um, just send us a text and come on over?
Then there was just the blatantly rude things, like when little guy was 5 weeks old, got a fever around 5pm, and then had blood in his diaper at 11. We took him to the emergency room. The next day, we did a follow up with his pediatrician who had us admitted to the hospital. While there, we called our family and let them know what was up in case they wanted to drop by the hospital to visit. Well his dad reamed him about not calling to let him know as soon as Uriah felt sick. "We raised 8 kids we know a thing or two." Um, excuse me for taking my son to a doctor and not his grandparents when he's running a fever? And I overheard "I know your wife doesn't think we know anything..." And this was right after they'd done a catheter test on my son, his penis bleeding, and I was so fragile and crying I yelled "Shut up!" in the direction of my hubby with the phone but I doubt father in law heard me.
Then, hubby wanted everyone to wash their hands before touching Uriah, and neither of us enjoy when others kiss his face. Kind of unsanitary really. Well, his step mom loves kissing the baby on his face and refuses to wash her hands before touching him (I seriously think they hear what we say and their brain says "Ok, I'll do the opposite"). And well one day she kissed his face and everyone laughed cause he looked shocked. I was ticked of constantly dealing with them so I said it was probably because we don't touch or kiss his face much. "Why?" asked hubby's sisters. "Because of germs" I said, looking at step mother in law. She rolled her eyes at me and sat down with the baby anyway while the sister said they have to get germ sometime. And I said "Yes but I'd prefer not to have a sick newborn."
Then, his parents who make more money than any of our other family members, asked us what to buy Uriah. I said a pack n play or walker. Well, they wanted to buy something else. I said we don't need anything else except maybe cloth diapers. His step mother asked if we were using disposable. Hubby said maybe just in the hospital, and she bought us a 100+ pack of disposables. Needless to say we returned it and never used them. Then weeks later they bought us a used pack n play, with lots of stains and scuffs. I flipped out but they weren't there when hubby brought it over, because it wasn't a gift it was the gift of a chores. I had to spend hours cleaning it until the water I soaked it in went from yellow to clear. You can get a basic new one for $40 but no.
Well then one night the nail landed in the coffin for me. This whole time I'd been smiling and trying to get along, playing with what they wanted. But one night on the phone with father in law, I was concerned I'd gotten bit by a brown recluse. I was discussing it with him and out of nowhere he says "This family is trying hard to love you" and insinuated hubby's sisters and father in law and his wife were having a hard time getting along with me now. I'm sorry, but I think I am very easy to love.
I have never once prevented anyone from seeing Uriah, even when they showed up unannounced (which when we got back from the hospital when Uriah got sick at age 5 weeks, father in law & step mother in law busted in without knocking- we'd just gotten home so we hadn't had a chance to lock the door- and ran in and grabbed the baby, never having visited us in the hospital even though they don't work anymore). I've never been rude to them or declined any reasonable offer to come over or hang out at their home. I even thanked them for the gifts (the pack n play and some used clothes covered in stains) even though I didn't want them. Well I'm done. If I'm so hard to love, let it be so. I've been nothing but nice to them, now they can just have civil.
Hubby is just pulling his hair out because they bother him to death and he has to go to their house to pick up our mail a lot of times when it goes to their house, and then he comes home and asks if I'll play by their rules just to alleviate the pressure on him and often times I have given in but not anymore. I feel bad for hubby because father in law & his wife treat him like a child still and have no respect for either of us as parents. I mean, hubby spends every week all week busy doing crap and then has to have this weight put on him by them and it's not fair. So now there's major tension whenever I'm in a room with them. Yeah I feel bad for hubby but it's their fault. I can't be nice to someone's face and then dislike them b